Raising a child can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging life choices an adult can make. Kids don’t come with an instruction manual and often, the only reference points new parents have is either their own experiences growing up, friends or other family members and in the case of adoption, sometimes a very thin file. As children grow, they experience an ever-changing mix of physical transformations, emotions, beliefs and self-perceptions. Parents do as well! Helping kids navigate the many milestones of growing up is the journey of a lifetime for both parents and their children. The good news is that there are a variety of resources that parents can use to help them navigate the nuanced complexities of rearing a child.
Mindful parenting is especially important, in California and everywhere else. According to the Center for Health Policy Research at the University of California, Los Angeles, between 2019 and 2021, approximately one-third of California teens experienced serious psychological distress, with a 20 percent increase in adolescent suicides. Toxic stress is real and can be harmful to the mental well-being of children of all ages. Mindful parenting can support parents in raising their kids in a complex environment. Parenting in the moment--being self-aware as well as being aware of a child’s or teen’s needs--is at the core of mindful parenting. It also includes catching the good and positive moments and sharing words, experiences and lessons. The state of California has partnered with the Child Mind Institute on an initiative called Positive Parenting, Thriving Kids. It provides a series of free videos and print resources with practical, evidence-based information and skills to address the most common parenting challenges. The series offers helpful recommendations for both parents themselves, as well as for their interactions with their children. There are several other initiatives and online resources parents can consult, blogs and virtual groups that can support parents in the collective effort to raise responsible, kind and independent individuals. Here are just a few of the key points to consider for mindful parenting.
Mindful Parenting Tips for California Parents
Look Carefully at Time Management.
Parents face competing demands for their time. Here is where developing good organizational skills can help. Take a look at your family’s schedule each month. Between work demands and your kids’ school and extracurricular activities, it is important to build in time to spend with your children and your partner, even if that means 30 minutes a day. Be careful about saying “yes” to activities that either don’t fit your schedule or demand too much without a return on your time investment.
Prioritize Self-Care.
Working time in for self-care is important to your mental well-being. It provides respite from the demands of parenting and allows you to celebrate the joys. Even 10 minutes of quiet time or a brief walk can help refresh you so you can get back to being present, every minute after that. Do not neglect the basics: get enough sleep, eat regular healthy meals, move in a way that inspires consistency, hydrate and address any medical issues promptly.
Build a Support Network.
Parenting can be stressful and demanding, and no one expects you to have all the answers all the time. Your child will reach significant milestones in growth and development and may experience a vast array of emotions along the way. Some behaviors may be baffling or concerning. Talking with other parents with children in the same age range as yours, or with similar interests, needs and skills can help. Friends and family members may have insights too. Nurturing these relationships can also help you build a buddy system for coordinating rides to school or after-school activities and better manage multiple time commitments. This also teaches children lessons about collaboration, asking for help, offering help and support and building their own relationships through modeling.
When parents feel the need for help beyond their social network, therapists, psychologists or other providers can provide valuable advice. Many insurances have a list of mental health providers that you can request when seeking professional help for your child’s emotional or behavioral issues. Alternatively, ask your child’s pediatrician for a referral. Similarly, you can search online on websites such as www.psychologytoday.com and even call 211 for more information.
Mindful Strategies for Supporting Children's Mental Health
Manage your child’s schedule. Kids need time to attend school, engage in physical activity, socialize with peers, rest and have family time. Sports activities can check a couple of these boxes but when kids do too much, it can also be detrimental to their mental health—especially if they have no downtime. Many kids would prefer to engage in screen time by playing video games or scrolling through social media. It is essential for parents to monitor their child’s digital activities, discuss safety on a regular basis and if needed, set up parental controls (hyperlink here to Nov. Miller blog). Mindful parenting involves setting aside time for family meals, playtime and rest.
Find Help for Special Needs.
Many children have special needs, and they may require additional support from family and specialists so that they can thrive and enjoy developmentally appropriate (physical and social) activities with their peers. It is estimated that there are 70 million people with learning and thinking disorders in the United States. If you suspect that your child is one of them, you can help him or her thrive by connecting with the right resources. But where do you start? The first place to begin is getting an accurate diagnosis from a qualified professional. Your pediatrician can refer you to our own Stramski Children’s Developmental Center, the regional center or other specific community partners. For reference, Understood.org is an online compendium where experts from the fields of education, mental health, medicine, activism and public policy have contributed articles and podcasts on these subjects. Undivided.io specializes in supporting parents whose children have special needs.
Address Mental Well-Being.
Parents can only protect their children so much, and the pressure to be accepted by their peers can be enormous. Anxiety, mood swings and behavioral issues are common in kids and can be exhibited at the same time; or other times they may come out of the blue because something happened at school or online. Changes in sleep patterns, eating and mood may all indicate a bigger issue. Mindful parenting encourages parents to pay attention to the three D’s:
- Distress – How much is your child struggling with emotions or behaviors?
- Duration – How long has your child been dealing with these difficulties, and how often do the episodes last?
- Disruption – How much are these issues impacting your child’s ability to live normally?
If you believe your child is being affected on all levels, it’s time to provide additional support. Mental health challenges are real, common and treatable. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a professional with experience for whatever issue you and your child may be experiencing and do so in a timely manner.
In today’s world, the reality is that any child can be a witness to—or experience—violence of some kind. Kids need specialized help in these instances, which can have lifelong repercussions. It is essential to get your child the interventions needed to process trauma, microaggression, bullying, identity questions and other social difficulties so that they can deal with them on an emotional and psychosocial level and in a timely manner.
Tips for Communicating with Kids
Families today are confronted with so many societal issues that make open communication even more important. The following tips, when done mindfully, can go a long way in building a positive relationship with your child, either in the moment or by setting aside a specific time and place to:
- Be a good listener – Sometimes children just want to connect or have their parent’s undivided attention.
- Talk openly and honestly – Listen to your child without judgment, but be ready to offer age-appropriate advice on what you hear, if necessary. The goal is to make kids feel safe and supported.
- Respectfully agree to disagree – When older children express opinions, it is important to acknowledge their thoughts and feelings. Showing respect for their point of view will help build and maintain trust.
Mindful parenting can help you manage needs, challenges, and expectations of raising a child. Your pediatrician can help in terms of the physical, mental and psychosocial changes your child will experience as they grow and develop, or they can refer you to someone else. By finding support from other parents, friends and loved ones, and qualified professionals when indicated, you can leverage the knowledge and expertise you will need to raise healthy, well-adjusted children through young adulthood.
About Dr. Pal
Ioana Pal, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist at Stramski Children’s Development Center at Miller Children’s & Women’s Hospital (MCWH) in Long Beach, CA, who specializes in psychological, developmental and neuropsychological assessments.
Her clinical interests include dual diagnosis, forensic psychology, personality disorders, mind-body connection, motivational interviewing, mindfulness and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) with children, adolescents and adolescent young adults (AYA).
She holds master’s degrees in mental health counseling and forensic sciences and received her doctorate degree in clinical psychology with a concentration in forensic psychology from the American School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University. She completed her post-doctoral fellowship training at the Orangewood Children & Family Center (OCFC), County of Orange Health Care Agency.
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